Women can be too dramatic for their own good. It is built into our system. We have quickly learned from experience to use drama to control men. For example, men are usually more kind and gentle when we cry. But do you know that your well controlled man is not a happy man? And if he is not happy because of you, how can he give you more happiness?
My mother was a very loving person. Unfortunately, her ways of dealing with problems and frustration were NOT constructive. When she was upset about something, say my father’s one-time adultery, all she did was crying, bitching and moaning about everything else, and overly punishing her children for minor faults. And when she could not find faults to pick on, she cried about her miserable life, and blamed our existence for preventing her from seeking a divorce and remarry. She felt so hurt by that event that she never considered looking into the nature of the problem and figure out a way to repair the relationship. And yet, she would not let him go. All she did was holding grudges, keeping herself at a highly upset state, seeking every opportunity to vent her anger onto none related matter or people – because she was too anxious to even talk about the real problem. She never thought that her peasant like manner, heartwarming most of the time, could be too raw and unattractive sometimes. My mother had no clue why my father had that affair. Because to him, she was mentally boring. I knew, because I asked him to compare the other woman with my mother. And he told me.
My parents never had a serious constructive conversion about their problem in order to better understand each other’s needs. My mother believed in slamming pots and pans as a way to let my father know that she was upset. And my father, feeling powerless in dealing with her temper, believed in the strategy of ignoring my mother’s emotional outbreak as the best way to solve the problem. So eventually we children were the ones end up feeling her pain on our skin, while we were just doing what children usually do, annoying parents. In fact, we didn’t even have to do that to share her marital pain. She was very angry for 25 years, since I was 12. And my father never really tried to find a way to resolve the issue between them. I don’t think that he even cared about how his behavior might hurt her feelings. Being a witness and victim of my parents’ struggle, I was determined to find a way out of such misery.
Being forced to share her painful emotion on daily basis, l wanted to seek wisdom; to communicate, understand, forgive and peacefully coexist with men. I was 17 then. After 30 years of searching, trying, crying, thinking, and trying again, at last, I found a worthy man to practice what I have learned. We are very happy together.
My man isn’t without fault. But he has what many others don’t have, true love, maturity, and compassion for women. History has proven that he has changed every life he touched, for good, and for better. (For that, you’ll have to read the Magic Book.) So how selfish I must be if I want to stop that from happening over and over again?
If you are seeking ways to limit your man, he will be seeking ways to expand his world elsewhere. So if you are smart for real, expand his horizon, as well as yours. Trust me, you two would have a wild and happy ride. That’s one way to make it work.