Take good care of yourself. Take good care of your heart and desires, because you are the center of your Universe. The happiness of everyone you love depends on what condition you allow your heart to be in. If you are happy, everyone who loves you will be happy, whatever you do for them. If you are sad, angry, in pain, or in conflict, your loved ones can feel it, knowingly or unknowingly. When you allow your heart to suffer, they will suffer, willingly or unwillingly. So why not start with taking care of your universe by taking care of your heart?
Women’s biggest concern, programmed by billions of years of evolution, is Safety, hence the need of holding on to a protector. So, gentlemen, why don’t you make sure that she feels safe when you explore your sexual interest? Why don’t you take her along for a pleasure ride?
One of men’s basic desires, New Sex – of any size, shape, color, taste, smell — from anywhere, was also programmed by billions of years of evolution. The need of sex is so primal, it is right next to the need of food and the need of rest. So girls, what is going to happen when you try to stop him from having that? You get a wild animal in your hand. And you wish to get some gentle sweetness out of that deprived creature? Are you out of your mind? Where can that sweetness come from?
He has been deprived of one of his most primal need for all this time trying to make you happy. Even though sex with you is wonderful, like having his favorite food, if there is nothing new – anything new, how long can he last happily with this single wonderful dish? Unless you intend to starve your man, literally, to the point that he would have no mind to think about sex, you’d better think of a way to satisfy that need. Only then, you will get your long desired sweetness, bathing you in glory. You can have things your way when your way serves his way. He is entitled to new sex as much as you deserve love and safety. So, explore the possibilities. It is all for your own good. If you wish to be his primary sex partner, it is almost your obligation to satisfy his sexual desire, one way or another. It is like when you have a child, it is your God given obligation to keep that child fed and taught.
Take care of your heart the way it works, not the way that everyone else says it should work. No matter what your family and friends say about your marriage (or relationship), they are not there to benefit or suffer from what you would go through. Is your ego so big that you’d rather suffer in private so everyone around you can say good things to please your ego? Do you really want to be Happy? or just want to be Right, in other people’s eyes?
You are the center of your Universe. Never deny your own desire and call it a worthy sacrifice. People around you can feel the truth, especially your children. All your suffering would have a psychological effect on your children. And that would affect their entire life the way you could not expect it to.
There was a time in my life when I witnessed my parents struggle in their marriage. The pain of living between such conflict was so great that I wished I could get into some sort of an accident and die, so I wouldn’t have to feel all that pain and despair for the rest of my life! Things were like that for years. Finally I decided to look elsewhere to find my idol, and stop associating my happiness with that of my parents’. I had to abandon my parents’ happiness and seek my own. That’s when the desire to live came back to me, when I wanted to live and create a life for myself.
Some children rebel. Often time they survive, and have a dramatically different life. But more often, children suffer and go on to have their own painful relationships, produce more traumatized children; or worse, cannot form a stable relationship, and eventually never really experience the two most fundamentally important aspects of the Wonders of Life — loving companionship and parenthood. Is this the kind of life we want for our children and/or grandchildren?
If we truly love our children, we should find a way to make ourselves happy right now, with our mate, to create a loving environment so our children can be happy, from now on and into the future. “But how?” you may ask. If you are willing to explore the possibilities, there is always a way.