You are the center of your Universe

Take good care of yourself.  Take good care of your heart and desires, because you are the center of your Universe.  The happiness of everyone you love depends on what condition you allow your heart to be in.  If you are happy, everyone who loves you will be happy, whatever you do for them.  If you are sad, angry, in pain, or in conflict, your loved ones can feel it, knowingly or unknowingly.  When you allow your heart to suffer, they will suffer, willingly or unwillingly.  So why not start with taking care of your universe by taking care of your heart?

Women’s biggest concern, programmed by millions of years of evolution, is Safety, hence the need of holding on to a protector.  So, gentlemen, why don’t you make sure that she feels safe when you explore your sexual interest?  Why don’t you take her along for a pleasure ride?

One of men’s basic desires, New Sex – of any size, shape, color, taste, smell — from anywhere, was also programmed by millions of years of evolution.  The need of sex is so primal, it is right next to the need of food and the need of rest.   So girls, what is going to happen when you try to stop him from having that?  You end up getting a wild animal in your hand.  And you wish to get some gentle sweetness out of that deprived creature?  Are you out of your mind?  Where can that sweetness come from?

Do you realize that your man might have been deprived of one of his most primal need for all this time just trying to make you happy?  Even though sex with you is wonderful, like having his favorite food, if there is nothing new – anything new, how long can he last happily with this singular wonderful dish?  Unless you intend to starve your man, literally, to the point that he would have no mind to think about sex, you’d better think of a way to satisfy his sexual need, and yours.  Only then, you will get your long desired sweetness, bathing you in glory.  You can have things your way when your way serves his way.  He is entitled to new sex as much as you deserve more love and safety.  So, explore the possibilities.  It is all for your own good.  If you wish to be his primary sex partner, then it is almost your obligation to satisfy his sexual desire, one way or another.  It is like when you have a child, it is your God given obligation to keep that child fed and taught.

Take care of your heart the way it works, not the way that everyone else says it should work.  No matter what your family and friends say about your marriage (or relationship), they are not there to benefit or suffer from what you would go through.  Is your ego so big that you’d rather suffer in private so everyone around you can say good things to please your ego?  Do you really want to be Happy? or just want to be Right, in other people’s eyes?

You are the center of your Universe.  Never deny your own private desire and call it a worthy sacrifice.  People around you can feel the truth, especially your children.    All your suffering would have a psychological effect on your children.   And that would affect their entire life the way you could not expect it to.

There was a time in my life when I witnessed my parents struggling in their marriage.  The pain of living between such conflict was so great, and when I realized that their struggle may never end, I wished that I could get into some sort of an accident and die, just so that I wouldn’t have to feel all that pain and despair for the rest of my life!    Things were like that for years. Finally I decided to look elsewhere to find my ideal, and stop associating my happiness with that of my parents’.   I had to abandon my parents’ happiness and to seek my own.  Do you have any idea how painful that was?  Yet that’s when the desire to live came back to me, when I wanted to live and create a life for myself.

Some children rebel.  Often time they survive, and have a dramatically different life.  But more often, children suffer and go on to have their own painful relationships, produce more traumatized children; or worse, cannot form a stable relationship, and eventually never really experience the two most fundamentally important aspects of the Wonders of Life — loving companionship and parenthood.  Is this the kind of life we want for our children and/or grandchildren?

If we truly love our children, we should seek a way to make ourselves happy right now, with our mate, to create a loving environment so our children can be happy, from now on and into the future.  “But how?” you may ask.   If you are willing to explore the possibilities, there is always a way.

Tango – The Night I Danced with Gavito


Carlos Eduardo Gavito died in July 1, 2005.  He was considered one of the last symbols of the Milongueros Golden Era.  He was my most influential Tango teacher.

I am an avid Tango dancer.  For years I danced in Milonga at least 3~4 nights a week.  When I first started, the total number of Tango dancers in the entire New York City was less than a thousand.  By the time I retreated from the scene nearly 4 years later, there were about two thousand dancers in the City.  Now there must be way over five thousand.

I was definitely one of the Tango junkies (before the list got so long), going to most of the guest instructors’ workshops, knowing all the frequent dancers’ faces, buying seven pairs of Tango shoes during our trip to Buenos Aires…   But Tango had another effect on me.  It taught me the philosophy of Life and Love.

Interesting enough, learning Tango technique enlightened my ways of connecting with my partners, on the dance floor, as well as in life.  Gavito made Tango into a very simple matter: Tango is an elegant walk.  It is a three minute commitment.  “You lead, and at the same time, you follow.” — On dance floor, this is applicable mostly for the leaders.  As for the followers, we suppose to focus on only following.  But good following was not one bit easier than leading.  We used to spend hours to learn how to be good followers, not too strong, not too weak, not too fast, not too slow.  And of course, be at the spot the leader intended us to be by sensing the lead, not by being dragged there.  Boy!  A follower was basically trained into a mind reader.  But once you got it, dancing Tango with anyone became a walk in the moonlit garden — magical!

It sounds simple.  Yet it took hours and hours to work the sense into one’s intuition.  And then, you simply became good.  He taught us to work our sensuality into the dance, and never forget the elegance one must have, as well as the playfulness while submitting to the lead.  He taught us how a dancer should caress the dance floor with her feet, instead of stepping all over it.  He taught us the true meaning of partnership, and how to be a true compliment to any leader.

Everytime when I feel lost in life, when I don’t know how to react to life’s event, I think of what I would do on the dance floor that made me one of the top dancers in the city. Every so often, it would bring me back to the night when I danced with Gavito, when he said: “You made my night” at the end.  That was long time ago. It was at 92nd street Y, 1998.

Well, almost everyone knew that Gavito did not usually dance in Milonga, except for requested showcase, or, on rare occasion, danced with his stage partner, if she ever came with him.  Most of the time, he just sat there chatting with his friends and watch everyone else dance.  But, I didn’t know that until it was too late, until He had danced with me and one other girl in a Milonga that night.

It was towards the end of the night, when the floor cleared up a little. Though I had always wished for it, it was still shocking when he got up, walked up to me and lend me his hand!

The whole time I was so nervous I felt dizzy. So I moved rather slow, but stayed with the music. He taught me well.  Afterwards, he thanked me and said, “You made my night.” I murmured “Thank you!” and didn’t know what else to say.  I was still nervous after he returned me to my seat. My friend Ellen said something like “how interesting that He actually danced with his students!”  That’s when I found out that he usually did NOT dance in Milonga.  The host of the party, Daniel, a well respected Tango instructor also came over, pat me on the shoulder and said “Very good!  You did very nicely.” I almost felt embarrassed.

No one would remember this event any more, except me.  Gavito would remember me as a good student.  Yet even Him, wouldn’t remember that he had danced with me, because that could not possibly be the only night that he danced in the Milonga with a student.  Plus, He is dead, He died in July 1, 2005, of cancer.

I don’t need to Tango any more.  I’m Tangoing all the time.  It is the best addiction one can ever have.

I love him. He taught me Tango. He taught me to use the philosophy of life in dancing Tango. He taught me to use Tango philosophy to connect with people in life.

I don’t need to Tango any more, because I am afraid of ruining that very fond memory.  Plus, I am always dancing, in my mind.  But I know I will. I am a true Tanguera.

Every time I watch Him dance, my heart in flame, my body motionless…

* * * * * * *    *    * * * * *

Though the following video was recorded by an armature, I guess, and the sound quality wasn’t perfect, this video remains my favorite recording of His dance, ever, on stage or off stage.  I want to thank my fellow Tango dancer for capturing such rare moment of true spirited movement of His flaming steps and passion.  And I hope you get a sense of what Tango truly is, a connection, and a conversation with love, in peace and harmony.


And someone posted an interview of Carlos Gavito that I find very interesting: “TANGO IS A SHARED MOMENT“. (           Yep, that’s his teaching… I remember it as “Tango is 3 min of total commitment.”


********************* (more fun Tango: )

And here is another video released not long ago:

For more authentic Tango experience, it is not the high flying legs that signifies the skill.  (I can’t watch those without my intestines twitching with anxiety) It’s the connection, like in this couple.  And it is indeed NOT impossible for You either.  Just hold on to your partner with your attention, because you want to be with each other, and let the body swing with elegance.

“Milonga del recuerdo”. Ariadna Naveira and Fernando Sanchez.